this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
