your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
