Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
