Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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