She's JV to your varsity
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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