so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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