he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
