i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
