Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
