your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
