Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
