walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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