Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
