i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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