but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
