ya dads aren't the best wingmen
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
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They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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