I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I touched a dick in church today
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
