Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
