I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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