I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
