I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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