I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
only you would photoshop your dick
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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