Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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