im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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