I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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