So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
