my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
