Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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