Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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