My Higher Power is John Stamos
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
