Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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