I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
