Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
