Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
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I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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