I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
