So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
