she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize