So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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