Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
