Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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