I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
