You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i believe in u and ur pee
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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