Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
