You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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