the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize