I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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