my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
