The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
