im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
