Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
