It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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