the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
