It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i came on her dog
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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