How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
