I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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