I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sorry about my life...
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