Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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