yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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