toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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