need another drink. this is the easiest way
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
