I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
