you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
