The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
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I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize