Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
