I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
