either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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