you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
