Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
