So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
